Get Your Smack On, Delia
by Kaia Mariacle
Summary: Maybe they can knock some dense into these dense idiots. warning: slash


Get Your Smack on, Delia (And You Too, Coma boy)

Author: Kaia Mariacle

Disclaimer: They're not mine. But maybe I can play with them for awhile?"

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Maybe they can knock some dense into these dense idiots.

Author's Notes: Watching snow fall is fun. Sinking into knee deep snow when getting out of the car is less fun. I don't know why I love New England so much. I think it's 'cause of the pretty trees in Autumn.

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"That was _hilarious_!" Colin shouted as he watched Bright slump back to the table. 

"Sure it was." Bright said as he sat down, reaching out to find his much-needed drink. He wondered momentarily why he'd invited Colin to hang out with him, when all the other boy seemed able to do was rag on him.

"You should have *seen* your face," he said. "You were like, so astonished when he turned you down, and then when he asked where *Ephram* was."

"I'm glad you enjoyed the show. I'm here every Friday, drinks are on the house." Bright joked tiredly.

"Man, come off it." Colin said, frowning as he chomped on a pretzel, keeping one eye on Bright and the other on the Yankees game playing behind him. "You've been in a funk for days. What's up?"

"I-"

"And if you say it's because you miss Ephram, I'll kill you." 

Bright's mouth tightened.

"Dude." Colin said. "I can't believe yo-yes! Yes! Home run!." He paused to enjoy the moment of victory before turning back to Bright. "He's only been gone for a week, and you've been wearing that ugly Atari's t-shirt for three days." 

"Hey!" Bright cried, "This was a present from-"

"Ephram, yes, I know," he shook his head. "He'll be back on Tuesday, so chill." 

"I *know*." Bright said sharply.

"Then why are you sitting here, pouting like a little girl?" He asked through a mouthful of pretzels.

"Because you suck as a fill-in best friend." 

"Shit, Bright, I bought you that foam finger this afternoon."

Bright stared at him. "I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer."

"If a foam finger isn't good enough for you, then why don't you fly down to Everwood and get your 'real' best friend to buy you a whole *hand* that opens up into a wave, or something."

"The finger is *part* of a whole hand, dumbass, and maybe I will fly down," he said, taking a sip of his beer. "'Cause he's a better conversationalist too."

"Fine, you do that." Colin smirked. "And while you're at it, why don't you also tell him that you're in love with him."

Guinness spewed across the table.

"Huh, what...I mean.....what?"

"Dude, did you really think you were being subtle?" 

"Um...I..." Bright stuttered. "I...didn't think anyone had noticed." He sighed.

"Well, it was kind of obvious when you fucked Jay. You know, that's why he left, because he saw you guys together."

"Shit." 

"Yeah."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What's with the long face, Eph?" Delia said, stealing a french fry off Ephram's plate. 

"Nothing, I'm just tired." Ephram replied as he loaded the dishwasher. He picked up a dishrag and cleaned the soapy mess off the counter tops. "And don't call me that."

"Oops, my bad, I forgot only *Bright* can call you that," she said, stretching to grab an apple from the table. 

"No one, can call me that." Ephram muttered. "*No* one."

"Hmmm, methinks the lady doth protest too much," she snarked. "I think you're going through withdrawal."

"And I think you need to get me some of those drugs you've been smoking." He retorted, slamming the dishwasher shut. "Since you're obviously delusional."

Delia shook her head, smirking. "Sorry, I live a drug-free life, big brother." 

"I very much doubt that." 

"Well, there was that one time with Clay Harter...and you're not changing the subject on me," she said. "I'm going to make you admit that you miss him, and express those hidden feelings you've been harboring for years." She poked him in the thigh, "Now tell Doctor Delia all your troubles."

"God," he groaned. "I knew it was a mistake when dad made you take that psychology class."

"That's neither here nor there, Ephram," she said. "You came down here after finding him in bed with that guy from the gym, Jamie. 

"*Jay*."

"Whatever."

"Del-"

"You lied to him about why you were coming, and you left him in New York with *Colin*," she shook her head. "You must have been pretty pissed off."

"Yeah," Ephram mumbled with down cast eyes. "I was."

Delia took in the dark eyes, the drooping shoulders, and the sad sigh. "You're so hopeless."

"I know."

"If you'd just tell him-"

"I can't," he said. "It'll ruin everything."

"Oh my God," she moaned in disbelief. "I never thought I'd actually find myself living an episode of Queer As Folk." 

"Bright is *not* Brian Kinney."

"That's a moot point, 'Mikey'. Because, let me get this straight," she said. "You're in love with Bright." 

Ephram nodded slowly.

"Bright has no idea, and you freak out after finding him screwing the guy from the gym -Josh or Jack or whoever- that he thinks you've been pining after for months. Then you run back here, to lick your wounds." She said. "Wounds which he has no idea he's inflicted, because you're too scared to tell him that you're crazy in love with him!"

"Yes, but-"

"And from what Colin's been telling me, Bright's been whining for days about how much he misses you."

"I highly doubt that he-" 

"Idiots!" she shouted. "You're both idiots!" She slapped him upside the head.

"Ouch!" he shouted. "What the hell was that for?" 

"He's so obviously in love with you too!"

~Finis~


End file.
